Sorry to say Sister but there will be no asses kicked. You see, what most people don't realize is that all the religions out there are your own making. Sure, some of the holy books (bible, koran, and and a few others I can't remember) were written by dad and me during a night of heavy drinking but once we did that it was humans that thought that there were many different gods but really its just many roads that all lead to the same destination.
Except for the mormons which are just comedic relief and are destined for a reincarnation as rubber chickens.
As for prayer, hey, up here its just "Rub-a-dub-dub, thanks for the grup." Besides, we've got one kick ass video taping system up here so we know what you're thinking and feeling anyway. Stop wasting time trying to out do each other's displays of affection.
Jesus Christ
JoinedPosts by Jesus Christ
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53
I'm back!!!!!
by Jesus Christ injesus here.
i'm sure you've probably read a few books about me in the past or at least about my dad, god (or as everyone back home likes to call him "spanky").
this is just a quick note to say that dad and i are back home now.
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Jesus Christ
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Thank you JWD, H20 and Witnesses Net!
by IslandWoman inthank you simon for this place.
it's a good place for good people and i learned that really 99.99% of all people are good.
just learning to accept others as they are and to unlearn the many prejudices that are so ingrained by religion, has been for me an education of greater worth than any university education!.
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Jesus Christ
Ahem, aren't you forgetting someone here?
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Mormonism - a few points
by Amazing inmormonism is an enigma.
they extol higher education, then turn right around and insult education by their farms archeology site sponsored by byu.
just how this religion ever got by as far as they did is beyond me.
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Jesus Christ
Man, those people are a bunch of nuts. I can't even begin to describe what a laugh dad, the angels, and I get out of what they put out. Its amazing what some of you people will believe.
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53
I'm back!!!!!
by Jesus Christ injesus here.
i'm sure you've probably read a few books about me in the past or at least about my dad, god (or as everyone back home likes to call him "spanky").
this is just a quick note to say that dad and i are back home now.
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Jesus Christ
Stealth,
Come on now, I just said that dad and I have no connection with the Jehovah's Witlesses. Quite frankly we're amazed that so many people believe a word they say.
As for the end of this system, we're just remodeling not getting rid of anything and no, it won't be coming any time soon because if you think its a pain getting someone to remodel your bathroom imagine what its like to get someone to remodel your planet.
Now, for the water into wine business. Sorry but dad took away that power after that wedding cermony I did it at. I had abused it just a little too much and while we certainly have no problem sticking certain body parts into other body parts there would be a huge population had he not done that. Sorry about that....... -
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Tumwater KH Burning Investigation
by Kenneson inthat kingdom hall fire at tumwater, near olympia is of a suspicious nature.
the latest can be found at:.
http://www.theolympian.com/home/ .
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Jesus Christ
Dad smited them.
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53
I'm back!!!!!
by Jesus Christ injesus here.
i'm sure you've probably read a few books about me in the past or at least about my dad, god (or as everyone back home likes to call him "spanky").
this is just a quick note to say that dad and i are back home now.
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Jesus Christ
Come on Xena, I'm a carpenter, not a computer guy. Don't even ask about the time that I tried to make on online prayer form. How would I know it would kill off the unicorns?
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53
I'm back!!!!!
by Jesus Christ injesus here.
i'm sure you've probably read a few books about me in the past or at least about my dad, god (or as everyone back home likes to call him "spanky").
this is just a quick note to say that dad and i are back home now.
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Jesus Christ
ISP, don't make me smite you dad damnit!!!
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New Bible!
by Jesus Christ inthis is a quick note to say that dad and i are working on a new version of the bible.
don't worry about the stuff that doesn't make sense in the old one, we wrote that while consuming the biggest bottle of vodka you could imagine.
quite frankly, by the time we got to revelation we were smashed and don't even remember writing most of it.
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Jesus Christ
This is a quick note to say that dad and I are working on a new version of the bible. Don't worry about the stuff that doesn't make sense in the old one, we wrote that while consuming the biggest bottle of vodka you could imagine. Quite frankly, by the time we got to Revelation we were smashed and don't even remember writing most of it.
The Koran, yeah, we banged that out on the same night and will be putting out a new version after we get done with The Bible; God's Revenge. This time we will make it clear that killing others in our name is bad. Frankly, we're amazed that you actually needed that.....
Another nice thing will be the great illustrations that come in the new version covering everything from how you got here (though if you want a detailed explanation go read "Origin of Species" by Darwin) to how the world will end (actually, its just going to be remodeled). We're hoping that if there's enough interest in it that a major studio will pick it up for a movie.Dad Bless you!
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53
I'm back!!!!!
by Jesus Christ injesus here.
i'm sure you've probably read a few books about me in the past or at least about my dad, god (or as everyone back home likes to call him "spanky").
this is just a quick note to say that dad and i are back home now.
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Jesus Christ
Hey kids, glad to see that you all are here for this historic occasion. I shall answer some of your questions now.
Why do women call our for dad and I when they're having sex?
We're guys. Even though we may not be able to come down there and do the deed ourselves we still like to have our names called out in the moment.
Interesting bit of history left out of the bible, you know that whole bit with me turning water into wine? Yeah, that was so I could get some lovin'. What a time we all had that night!!! Thankfully my dad used his pull to get that part left out of the bible.
What's the true religion that represents us on earth?
At this point in time, none. Nobody does the required aardvark ceremony. We do get a good kick out of Mormons though. Dad and all his buddies still get a kick out of the stuff those wackos believe. The worst religion of all is the Moonies. They actually are led by Satan. The reason they're called Moonies is that Satan uses them to spiritually moon (or pull down your knickers and show some arse) all of us. He's such a prankster!
Bill Gates......AOL......
Well, I can't really say too much about that (hey, it will be revealed in time) but I will say that even though Windows 2000 is pretty good and we even use it up here in customer service, we've had some problems with it and have ended up getting some prayers mixed up with others. If you wanted your dog to come back to life for some reason that gets turned into "man, I wish my back was hairy." We still don't understand that. At this time we are going to request that you not ask for your dog to come back until we get this little mixup straightened out.Edited by - Jesus Christ on 13 July 2002 16:44:2
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53
I'm back!!!!!
by Jesus Christ injesus here.
i'm sure you've probably read a few books about me in the past or at least about my dad, god (or as everyone back home likes to call him "spanky").
this is just a quick note to say that dad and i are back home now.
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Jesus Christ
Hi everyone. Jesus here. I'm sure you've probably read a few books about me in the past or at least about my dad, God (or as everyone back home likes to call him "Spanky").
This is just a quick note to say that dad and I are back home now. Sorry we've been gone for so long, we went on a short vacation to an alternate universe ruled by one of dad's college buddies (some GREAT skeeball there!!!!!!) and have been gone for a few days. Its amazing what all you silly humans can get yourselves into while we're gone.
Anyway, just wanted to say that the JW's are really a bunch of nutcases. How can they be witnesses to my father while we've been away for a while? He and I are in no way affiliated with them and apologize for any confusion.
If you want or need anything you'll have to reply to me by this forum. While we were gone apparently Satan shut off our phone service and even though dad may be great and powerful, even he has to wait for the telephone repair guy to come. Thank dad that our net connection is over a satellite. I'll try to answer any questions you may have for me.
Dad bless you!!!